


I'm Leaving You

by karog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:04:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karog/pseuds/karog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen wanted to propose and he wrote a letter for Evelyn's parents to ask for their permission. He didn't expect, even in his worst nightmares that they would refuse him. He realizes that he is simply a burden for his noble-born love and decides to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story takes places after the events in the game.  
> I added some warning because of Chapter 4; however, it's not really very... Well, you'll see for yourselves ;)

„Leave” he said, not looking at her. His voice was cold but it was only thanks to his military skills that he could keep up with this mask. Inside he felt like his whole body was trembling with fear and regret. And anger. 

“Cullen, talk to me. Tell me what happened, you can’t just cross out all we have built!” she exclaimed in dismay. She, on the other hand, couldn’t hide her emotions. Mainly because she wasn’t prepared for this whole situation. Only yesterday everything was normal. He hugged her, kissed her, told her he loved her for the thousandth time. 

“Can’t you hear what I’m saying?” his voice raised because of the feelings that were ravishing him. But it was all for the better, he thought to himself. _Maybe she’ll think that I’m angry. Maybe she’ll finally understand…_ “I don’t want to be with you anymore” he tried to be firm and solid as he was forced to repeat those words again and again. “This is pointless, we have no future together and nothing can change that. I was mistaken from the very beginning to think that we could ever be together”. 

She tried to remember when was the last time she felt such pain but she couldn’t. And that was when she realized his words hurt her like nothing before. _Is this a nightmare? Am I dreaming?_

“Cullen” she tried one more time, desperate for him to just look at her as he was constantly avoiding looking into her eyes “Please, tell me… Why… What happened? Did I do something? Whatever it is, we can fix this together. You just have to tell me”. 

At that moment Cullen felt a tiny glimmer of hope. Maybe she was right? Maybe he shouldn’t have acted in such a way? But then he remember the words. 

_You will do nothing but constrain her. You do not belong to the same worlds. You will only be a burden for her._

“It is of no importance anymore” he said “We cannot be together”. 

“What do you mean ‘we cannot’? Who told you that? This is absurd! I love you. Why would you say such horrible things?” she started panicking. Cullen never behaved in such a way. She thought that it had to be some kind of a cruel joke on his part but he seemed to be so certain of his words. 

“Because I do not wish to be with you anymore!” he yelled. He couldn’t force himself to look at her although he knew it would have helped her believe those lies. But he just couldn’t. He knew that her deep, blue eyes would have made him ready to beg her for forgiveness. 

She stood behind him and felt as if the sky opened and a lightning hit her hard. She was paralyzed. She heard him but the words haven’t yet reached her mind. 

“You said you loved me” she whispered with tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Well…” he answered loudly. _Maker, why? Why do I have to do it? I’m hurting us both…_ “I don’t” he finished, turned around and slammed the door. 

Evelyn fell down on her knees, numb and lifeless.  
_He doesn’t love me._ It was the only thought that kept ringing loudly in her head. After some time, she started sobbing silently. She felt as if she was never supposed to be happy again. 

***

He kept reading the letter over and over again not knowing why. Did he really enjoy torturing himself this much? 

It was a letter from Evelyn’s parents. A letter that changed everything. 

First time he thought about proposing to Evelyn was when she went fighting with Corypheus. He promised himself that if… no, when she comes back, he will do everything to make her happy. And at that particular moment he thought that marriage would be a perfect way of saying how much he loved and adored her. How much she meant to him. 

Then, he realized that he should probably ask her parents for permission. After all, she was a noble and that’s what nobles do. He decided to keep everything as close to tradition as possible. Evelyn deserved the best and he was determined to give it to her. 

What he could not foresee is that the answer was negative. 

_To Sir Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition Army,_

_We regret to inform you that we shall deny your audacious plea. We sincerely believe that any form of further explanation is entirely unnecessary; however, we shall gladly remind you that you bare no respected title or lands, which means that you should be completely unable to provide our daughter the happiness she deserves. What is more, we are inclined to notice that your lack of noble upbringing would be only unfortunate for both of your sakes. You will do nothing but constrain her. You do not belong to the same worlds. You will only be a burden for her._

_Not to mention, we have already managed to organize the appropriate match for our daughter and we will gladly inform her about it for we intend to arrive soon._

They didn’t even bother to write their names at the end. Of course, it was fully intended as an insult, Cullen knew that all too well. He found out that in fact they made the necessary arrangements and are arriving in three days. Nobles. 

First time he read it, he couldn’t believe his eyes. After reading it for the second time, he felt his heart shattering into little pieces. 

So that was it. After all they have been through together, he was forced to take a step back. Because even if their words hurt him like nothing else, deep down he realized that they were true. He wasn’t of noble origins. He couldn’t give Evelyn anything of use. No title, no lands… And even though he felt jealousy crashing his chest, he couldn’t help it but silently agree that whoever they chose for her must be more worthy of her than some ex-Templar with a shady past. 

He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. He knew that Evelyn wouldn’t let him go at once. So he decided to do it quickly, also because he was convinced that it would be the least painful way. He was wrong. 

He started packing his clutter to one of the chests. He would later order someone to bring them to him. For now, it was important to just… disappear. As quickly as possible. He left a note for Rylen, instructing him that by the time he comes back, he will have to take up his responsibilities as Commander. Eventually, they will figure out that he was _never_ coming back and they will be forced to choose someone else for this position. 

But it wasn’t his problem to worry about. Not anymore.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both decided. She would marry the noble. He would take the lyrium again.

She still felt numb. She hoped the feeling would pass away but it didn’t. All happiness disappeared from her life. Although her faithful friends were constantly trying to keep her mind off Cullen, they couldn’t even dream of succeeding in this task. He was the only thing present in her mind. He, her commander, her man, love of her life… 

She winced at her thought. _Not anymore, Evelyn. He isn’t yours._

On top of it all, her parents decided to pay her an unexpected visit. At first she thought that they couldn’t have come up with a more inconvenient time to arrive but then she realized that there would never be a time convenient for her to see her parents. She didn’t really have any warm feelings towards them but she always had to keep up the appearances. That is, after all, how they raised her. 

They taught her to conceal her feelings, to never show any emotions and keep no serious friendships. It was all about the Game. She knew they were to be blamed for her lack of friendships. Well, at least before all this mess that happened during the Conclave. However cruel and inappropriate this was, she felt that the events were quite fortunate for her. Not only she could finally be her true self, but also she found so many fantastic people. So many friends that liked her for her, without pretending, without those silly little games that were supposed to prove who was better, wealthier and Maker knows what else. The Anchor was the price she was more than willing to pay. With them, she could be just as she always wanted to be.

Free. 

She could sit with Bull and Varric in the tavern and drink ale whenever she wanted. She could go and play jokes on others with Sera. She could sit with Dorian in a library and talk to him about anything that came to her mind. She could spend time with Cole and make sure he doesn’t do anything reckless while helping others. Of course, there was this “the Inquisitor” part but it was different than at home. She couldn’t fully understand why but maybe it was because they didn’t judge her the way nobles do. That is basing on your lineage and wealth. 

And apart from genuine friendship, she was fortunate enough to find love… She thought about their first kiss on the battlements, about their nights spent together by the fireplace just talking and laughing. About the nights they spent in their bedrooms, either hers or his. About his touch, his gentle caresses, his protectiveness… 

She let one, single tear fall down her chick. 

“Inquisitor?” asked Josephine, noticing that Evelyn wasn’t listening to her at all. “Are you all right?” 

“What? Yes…” answered Evelyn, distracted as ever, not caring about anything. 

“Have you been listening to me? Your parents want to meet with you tonight to introduce you to a nobleman that is supposed to be betrothed to you. They want to discuss the details on your wedding that is to take place next week.” Josephine continued although she knew that it all was pointless. She could have as well told the Inquisitor that Corypheus was back and she would get no reaction from her part. “Do you need some rest? I can arrange the meeting for tomorrow… The preparations to the wedding are a long-term undertaking, we should try and convince your mother that such rush is unnecessary. She was very specific that the wedding should take place as soon as possible but I am not so sure it is such a good idea…” 

Evelyn listened to her uncaring. The words reached her and she did understand them, it’s just that she really couldn’t start feeling anything again. She was supposed to marry a man she never even knew and it all was to take place next week. It was outrageous that her mother imposed herself on the Inquisition in such a manner, her behavior was unacceptable and she should take some action. She should tell her that they had no power over her, not anymore. She wasn’t just some minor noble, she was the Inquisitor, the leader of one of the most powerful institutions in all Thedas. 

But she couldn’t. The feeling of numbness was overwhelming. She felt as if everything she wanted to do was appropriate for the Evelyn that she was before. For Evelyn who would go to her parents and tell them straight away that they had no right to alter her life in any way, that from now on she was deciding her own fate. For Evelyn who was sure that behind her every decisions there will be the man she loved wholeheartedly. But now he wasn’t there. And she couldn’t force herself to even think of his name anymore. 

“Inquisitor…” Josephine started again but decided that it had no point. “Evelyn” she continued silently and in less formal voice “I know it’s difficult for you but you have to try your best. We can work together to get rid of this noble that claims your hand, there are procedures…” 

“No” she interrupted firmly. “I will meet my parents later in the evening, as was scheduled. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” 

“What do you mean _no_? When Cullen comes back and you’ll be married to someone else…” Josephine was shocked. That was definitely _not_ the woman she knew to be her Inquisitor. 

“He _will not_ come back. I thought I was clear enough when I informed you about what has happened. I will do what is required of me” Evelyn interrupted Josephine’s speech rather harshly, turned around and walked away. She gathered all her friends together and explained them the situation yesterday, she hoped they understood. 

He was gone. It was his decision and she could do nothing about it. He didn’t love her anymore and he left the Inquisition. The memory of this cold feeling that gripped her when she saw his office emptied was still fresh. When she saw that he packed everything and went out of her life, just like that, like they were nothing to him. 

She sobbed. All she had to do know was to find a quiet corner and let her tears flow. She couldn’t be seen by anyone. 

No one was to know about her pain. 

_Always conceal your thoughts and feelings_ , her mother used to tell her. And it was what she intended to do. 

*** 

Slowly sipping ale from his mug, he tried looking around the tavern, hoping that maybe it would turn his thoughts away from the pain he felt inside. But it was pointless. He saw Evelyn in every face. He looked down at his hands and noticed they were shaking. His whole body was trembling, trying to disguise his own emotions. 

He got up immediately and turned to his room where he sat on an old, creaking bed. It was a bit sordid but he didn’t care. Maybe it wasn’t suitable for the Commander of the Inquisition army but he was no longer that man. He was no one. A man with no purpose, no goal, no reason to get up in the morning and live. Everything he’s done for the Inquisition, for himself was now irrelevant. It fell apart. 

And all that because of one letter. One stupid letter that ruined his future with the woman he loved beyond everything. 

_What have I done?_ He thought to himself, hardly believing what was happening. 

He felt as if he abandoned her in the most cruel way possible. Without any explanation, without apologies… _and, Maker, I told her I no longer loved her._

It was a lie. He loved her with all his heart. Loved her more than anything else, more than… more than his life, and that’s why he left her. For her own sake. 

_She’d be better off without me._

He was trying very hard to convince himself it was true. But what he could not deny was that he would most certainly never find happiness in life again. Not without her. 

He stood up and started nervously pacing around the room. He felt the headache coming and he was terrified. They stopped a while ago, he was sure that the process of withdrawal was finished. But at that moment he knew that lyrium was the only thing that could soothe his pain, at least a bit. And he was free to take it. There was no one to tell him otherwise, no one to convince him that he shouldn’t, after all he’s accomplished he shouldn’t throw this all away just for one vial of this damned liquid… But there was also no one he would want to fight for. 

His hand reached for the door handle. 

_I just have to find someone who would sell me one. Easy._

*** 

“And where do you think you’re going?” he heard the Seeker’s angry voice behind him. He sighed heavily and turned around to look at her. 

“Seeker! Long time, no see. What brings you to my modest quarters?” Varric answered, trying to make his voice sound casual. 

“Don’t play your little games with me” Cassandra just snarled at him. “I am not a fool. I saw your things packed, you are ready to go somewhere and I intend to find out where”. 

“Just take it easy” Varric answered and smirked “Is this an interrogation?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous” she just snapped. “What is the meaning of this? Are you leaving now? You can’t be serious!” She looked purely outraged and suddenly Varric felt deep regret of being in the room alone. He wouldn’t be surprised if she just punched him right in the face. 

“I’m always very serious. But I’m curious, Seeker, why do you think it’s a bad idea to leave right now?” 

“You’re leaving the Inquisitor? After what Cullen did to her? You were the one to say she was your friend! How can you abandon her like this?!” She raised her voice with fury in her eyes. Varric was more than certain that if she could, she would send him angry sparks with her eyes. 

“Now, now, Seeker, don’t get all emotional on me, all right?” he tried to find a way to soothe her anger but he knew that it was pointless. Cassandra wasn’t the woman he could reason with.

“Varric!” she was infuriated. She considered Evelyn her close friend and she cared for her well-being. After hearing what Cullen did to her, she couldn’t think of anything that would make the Inquisitor feel better but she realized that if anyone else abandoned her right now, she would just collapse. 

“We’re going to help” she suddenly heard Cole’s voice from behind her and nearly jumped with surprise. 

“Kid…” said Varric with a slight warning. 

“She wants to help, too. Why can’t she?” Cole simply asked. 

“What do you mean?” Cassandra asked turning her eyes to Varric again and looking at him suspiciously. “Who are you going to help and how?” 

Varric pressed his fingers to forehead, trying to find a way out of this crazy situation but he just couldn’t. 

“Evelyn, of course” he heaved a sigh. 

“How?” Kassandra just repeated her question as she felt her anger turn to concern. 

“Why, we’re going to bring Curly back, of course. Leliana gave us his location though it wasn’t really that difficult to find him. He’s currently stopping over some minor tavern in Redcliffe so we have to hurry if we want to catch him. And it was supposed to be kept secret because we cannot predict the outcome of all this shit, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.” He finished irritated. 

He knew what was coming next. 

“I’m coming with you” Kassandra stated firmly and Varric just knew there was no point in arguing. He just shrugged his shoulders, retreating from any further discussion. 

“Great. Get ready, then. We’re leaving now, we’ll wait only for a moment”. 

Kassandra turned around and walked through the door. She didn’t need much time to prepare for the journey and if it was to bring relief to her friend she was ready to go straight away. If this short trip was supposed to just confirm Evelyn’s words about how Cullen no longer loved her then Kassandra would be just happy to kick his damned arse. 

“Varric” said Cole and his voice was steady and calm “Why did you say we couldn’t predict the outcome of this? He still loves her. He wants to be with her. Why wouldn’t he want to be with her if it helps them both?” 

“Kid…” Varric started but he realized he didn’t actually have a clear answer to the question. “You have yet to learn a lot about relationships…”


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn meets her husband-to-be while Cullen is still uncertain of his decision concerning lyrium.   
> Cassandra, Varric and Cole arrive with a rescue mission.

Evelyn was sitting in front of her parents, feeling as if she was a young teenager again, having no control over her life. 

“You’ll see my darling, he’s such a gentleman! You’ll be very pleased, I guarantee it” her mother was going above and beyond to get any reaction from her part. And Evelyn was just sitting and looking at them. At the people who had already ruined her life once and now they were doing it again. 

It was mainly her mother speaking. As far as she could remember it always was like that. Her mother being talkative and hyperactive, while her father silent and taciturn. She could never understand how these two ended up with each other; however, now she realized that it was probably the same as it was going to be for her and her future husband. They were nobles, it was all about being of noble lineage, nothing else mattered. 

As if her mother could hear her thoughts, she added “And his family is wealthy and well-respected, he will secure your future, don’t you doubt that!” 

Evelyn stayed silent. Future? It was a word that once meant something for her. It meant hope, happiness and love. With _him._ Now? It was just an empty word, completely meaningless. 

And she still couldn’t force herself to even think about his name. 

“Evelyn” her mother snapped, evidently irritated by her daughter’s lack of response. “What do you say when your mother speaks to you?” she asked spitefully. 

Evelyn turned her eyes to her. She wanted to yell at her, to throw her away from Skyhold, no matter the consequences. She wasn’t a stupid teenager anymore, she could handle herself and no one was to kick her around. She wanted to hate her and she couldn’t. Because she couldn’t feel anything. 

“Yes, mother” she said silently. “Thank you, mother”. 

“Ah, there he is” the excitement in her mother’s voice was too obvious and Evelyn knew well that it was all just for show. It always was. 

“My lady, you look ravishing tonight. My lord, it is a pleasure, as always” his voice was soft and delicate. He was handsome, well-dressed and definitely well-mannered. 

“Count Charles du Ravignon, charming as ever!” her mother exclaimed with exaltation. “Please, meet our daughter, Evelyn Trevelyan” 

_Inquisitor_ Evelyn Trevelyan, she wanted to correct her. But it was pointless. 

“My lady, I heard much about your beauty but the stories don’t do you justice” the count reached for her hand and pressed a gentle kiss to it. 

Evelyn simply nodded. She felt as if she couldn’t move because all she could think about was the way her Commander always did it. How he always kissed her hand, told her she was beautiful, how he looked at her with pure admiration… 

“Evelyn” her mother hissed with disapproval. 

“I’m sorry, mother” Evelyn answered with a cracked voice. She could already feel tears welling up in her eyes. “Thank you, Count” she turned to her husband-to-be. 

“The pleasure is mine, my lady. Care to join me for a stroll? I would really like to see what Skyhold has to offer, it’s such a magnificent fortress” he continued as if he hadn’t noticed anything unusual about the whole situation. 

She was almost ready to consent as she knew it would please her parents. But then she just realized it would be too much for her. She realized that if she went to admire Skyhold with this man, she would just breakdown halfway through and she couldn’t let that happen. 

_You have to be strong, Evelyn._ She thought with a trembling heart. _Don’t show your emotions._

“It would be an honor to show you around Skyhold; however, I have so many urgent duties I must attend to… may I suggest we schedule that for tomorrow?” she said, trying to sound as confident as possible. 

Her mother pursed her brows as a sign of disapproval and Evelyn felt her hands shaking, just like when she was younger and her mother reprimanded her. She started wondering whether it was just a nightmare she had to live through. Maybe she’ll wake up tomorrow, still wrapped in her love’s arms and he’ll smile to her, asking if she slept well… 

_Stop._ He was gone. And he was never coming back. 

“Of course, my lady. Till tomorrow, then” Count answered with a small bow. Evelyn left the room, nodding to him and her mother. Her father didn’t even look at her once. 

She went as fast as she could. 

_Just be strong, you’ll be fine._ She kept repeating this sentence to herself so long that it has lost its meaning. She ran into her chamber, fell down on her knees and burst into tears. 

*** 

Cullen carefully looked around the tavern. With Templar Order disbanded it became more difficult to spot lyrium sellers, especially those who were not licensed to sell it. And that was the person he was looking for because lyrium was available only for those who had the right to buy it. 

He sat by the table in the corner and ordered another mug of ale. After some time of close observation he finally noticed the person he was looking for. A man in a large coat and a hood over his head, cautiously observing the surroundings, undoubtedly looking for new customers. 

Cullen has decided. 

He approached the man and started a necessary small-talk. After some implicit suggestions, the man gave the price and Cullen put some coin into his hand. 

The vial he got in return was small, just one portion. But it felt as if it was the heaviest burden he has ever held in his hands. He quickly turned to his room and closed the door. 

He carefully observed the little vial in his hand. The liquid inside was a sight which gave him the feeling of both relief and shame. 

Suddenly, he felt he still wasn’t entirely sure whether he should really take it or not. First of all, the source from which he got it was not secure. It might as well be simple juice, or something worse. He heard about many incidents concerning fake lyrium.   
He felt shivers going down his spine and put the bottle on the table. Backing away from the table, he reached the opposite wall keeping his eyes focused on lyrium. 

He couldn’t bear it any longer. The feeling of hopelessness grabbed him and didn’t let go. Falling down on his knees, he felt hot tears on his chicks. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he allowed himself to cry. But now he just didn’t care. 

He ruined everything, it was entirely his fault. If he hadn’t thought of that stupid marriage, they would have been still together. He could have held her, kissed her, felt her fingers intertwined in his hair… 

Could he, really? Her mother was right. He was nothing but a burden for her, keeping her down all the time with his absurd idea of not taking lyrium anymore, with his nightmares, constant headaches… Evelyn was like a ray of sunlight in his doomed world. He was just a broken man, a shadow lingering in the corners. 

Light and shadows simply don’t go together. 

*** 

“Are you sure _that_ is the place?” Cassandra winced discontented. It seemed a proper place for people like Varric but definitely not for people like Cullen, Commander of the Inquisition army. 

“That’s what Leliana’s little birds told.” Varric answered, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess he didn’t have much choice if he wanted to hide from the world” 

“I still can’t understand it.” she admitted reluctantly “Why would he leave her? He loved her so much, it was obvious the minute you saw these two. Those looks, those quick kisses… Oh, they used to make me nauseous and now I just find myself missing them” 

“Well, Seeker, I always knew you had a romantic soul.” Varric laughed at this sudden confession from Seeker’s part. “But you’re right. Something is odd. I’ve already seen people being so madly in love like those two” he continued, bringing the picture of Hawke and Anders to his mind. These two were inseparable, always sticking together. Even after what Blondie did, she stayed with him, always faithful. Varric shook his head to get rid of his Kirkwall memories. 

“And?” Cassandra urged him and he realized he didn’t finish the sentence. 

“And they simply don’t let go so easily. We have to find out what happened.” 

“Hot tears on my cheeks, they burn, emptiness, she’s gone, she’ll never be mine. I miss her. I miss her touch. “ Suddenly Cole interrupted them, speaking faster but still in a steady tone. “My fault, only my fault, why did I do that? It doesn’t matter anymore. Panic, paralyze, solitude, emptiness, the sight of the blue vial, I crave it, I desire it, I _have_ to take it.” 

Varric and Cassandra didn’t have to listen anymore to know they had to act and quickly. 

“Come on.” said Varric with a heavy sigh “Let’s help this man with not making the biggest mistake in his life.”


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Count's second face is not what Evelyn expected and now she finds herself in a trap.   
> Meanwhile, Josephine and Leliana find out what really happened between Cullen and Evelyn.

Eventually, Evelyn stopped crying and decided she needed to keep herself busy, hoping that it would take her mind of what was going on around her. She wiped out the tears and sat behind her large desk positively sure she was going to do some work. A pile of reports was waiting for her patiently. She also thought it was a good idea to get a report from the Iron Bull and his chargers as they have been recently sent on a mission. She took three deep breaths to calm her nerves. 

_It’ll help. Just keep yourself busy._

She called out for a sentinel outside her door and asked him to bring Bull’s reports and after that she took the first piece of paper from the pile. 

After a couple of minutes she realized that no matter how hard she tried to concentrate on the task at hand, her mind just kept wandering to him. So many questions hoarded in her head, impatiently waiting for answers and knowing that she would never get them was killing her. Why did he leave her? What did she do to upset him that much? It must be her fault, there is no other reasonable explanation. 

She tried to carefully examine her actions from the day before he told her he was going to leave and she could find nothing, absolutely nothing she’s done wrong. It was a regular, ordinary day. They got up in the morning, had some breakfast and went to fulfill their duties. Just like every other time. 

Was he tired of their routine? After defeating Corypheus, it’s not like they had a life-threatening tasks anymore but Evelyn was more than sure that he was contented with it. After all, he always got so angry when she went on all her missions. Not to mention her fight with Corypheus. She remembered how Leliana approached her later on and told her to be more cautious in her actions from now on, otherwise the Inquisition would lose its Commander to a heart attack or a mental breakdown. She also remembered how he blushed at her words and reassured the Spymaster that he was perfectly well. And later, how he grabbed hold of her hand and led her to his chamber. How he started passionately kissing her, telling her how much he worried for her, how much he loved her, asking her, even begging that she would never throw herself into dangers like that. He told her not to leave him. Ever. 

And now, he was the one that left. And Evelyn just wanted to understand why. 

Her dark contemplations were disturbed with a sudden knock on the door. She trembled, took a deep breath and answered “Come in!” She thought that it must have been the sentinel or the Bull himself with the report. 

That’s why she was extremely surprised to see the Count enter the room. 

“My lady! I am very sorry to disturb you but I was hoping I could steal you for some time.” The Count smiled at her gently, awaiting her response. 

_Steal me for some time?_ The Count didn’t realize that it was always Evelyn who had a habit of stealing somebody’s time. Especially her Commander… 

“My lady?” the Count repeated confounded. 

She stood up and forced a smile on her face. 

“Count! What a surprise.” She said “Weren’t we supposed to meet tomorrow though?” She felt confused. No longer than a couple of hours ago she told him to schedule their meeting for the next day. She really didn’t want to spend any more time with this man; however, she also wasn’t sure why. He seemed all right. For a noble. 

But deep down she knew that almost every noble was working hard to keep up the appearances. Most of the time, they had some hidden agenda. 

“Yes, of course but I just couldn’t wait any longer. My lady, you are such a beautiful woman” he answered while slowly approaching to her “I don’t think you fully realize the extent of your beauty.” 

He kept coming closer to her and suddenly Evelyn felt unable to move. She didn’t know what he intended to do and she most certainly did not want to offend him in any way. So she just stood there, next to her desk as she felt the distance between them getting shorter and shorter. Finally, the Count stood so close to her that she could feel his hot breath on her neck. 

“Such a beautiful woman is extremely hard to resist” he whispered and Evelyn felt nauseous. 

“Count, may I ask what you are doing?” she said trying as much as she could to keep her voice calm and steady. 

“Well, my lady, we are going to be married, aren’t we?” he answered as she felt his hands clasping her waist. “So, technically, I just came here to claim what has already been promised to me” he finished the sentence and Evelyn felt his tongue on her neck. She couldn’t believe it. He started kissing her! 

“Count, I don’t think…” she started, trying to back down a bit but his hold just became tighter. 

“You don’t have to think” he interrupted and then placed his hand over hear breasts. Evelyn held breath feeling disgusted and terrified at the same time. “Just give in” 

She pulled out all her strength and managed to set herself free from the man’s embrace. 

“Count, I must really ask you to leave now” she said as she felt her body shaking. 

He changed. He no longer was the gentleman with well manners. The vicious mixture of anger and desire grimaced his face. 

“Playing hard to get, I see?” he murmured while twisting her arm and turning her back to him. She could feel all his body grinding to hers, his hand grasping her breast and his erection pushing to her from behind. 

She started panicking as she found it difficult to breath. 

“What are you doing?” she said, her voice filled with terror. 

“I’ve already told you. Claiming what is mine” he answered and started kissing her neck with a force. Evelyn tried to break free but he was too strong for her. 

“Stand still, you’re making it worse” he warned. 

“Please, stop...” she mumbled with tears in her eyes. 

“Oh, my dear, you know how to turn me on, this will be perfect for our future life, I tell you” he answered laughing and squeezed her harder. Evelyn groaned with pain and fear, which just made his erection harder. 

He pushed her to the desk so that she bent over it. 

“Oh, yes” he moaned. “I’m going to get my prize.” He touched her bottom and squeezed it hard still holding her arm behind her. He laid down on her and started chafing against her body. 

She could feel his hot breath on her neck and hear his panting and moaning. And she was petrified. She had no chance to defend herself against him and more importantly, she just realized that this was the man she was supposed spend the rest of her life with. Tears fell down her face and all she could think of was how much she despised herself now. 

“No, no, no…” she whispered “Maker, please, stop it…” she pleaded. 

“Oh yes” he moaned in response “Tell me how much you don’t want me. I will rape you anyway” 

She sobbed loudly. She just couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe this was happening. 

Fortunately, the sentinel she had sent earlier wasn’t the lazy type. He got to the Iron Bull very fast as he was sitting in his usual place in the tavern, chatting with Dorian. Fortunately, both Dorian and Bull came up with the idea that the Inquisitor probably needed company of her friends after the hard time she has recently had. 

Fortunately, they managed to get into the room before anything worse happened. 

“Hey Boss!” Bull’s voice was the first thing they heard. And as soon as they heard it, the Count jumped out of her and started neatening his clothes. She stood up and just couldn’t turn around to face the door. Count de Ravignon left the room as quickly as possible. 

“What’s the hurry?” asked Dorian as the Count passed him “We can wait outside if you have things to discuss before the big day” Dorian finished his sentence with easily detectable disdain and irony. The Count didn’t even stop to say anything. 

Evelyn tried very hard to keep the sobbing down. To calm herself and wipe up the tears. Instead, she just let out a loud cry of distress. 

“Uhm… Boss?” asked Bull approaching her carefully “Is everything all right?” 

“What is it, my dear? Did you have an argument over the decorations on your wedding?” Dorian was, of course, against the idea of marrying the noble man. And not just any other man, but this man in particular. He just had a gut feeling something was wrong with him and now he was about to learn what it was. 

Evelyn couldn’t respond. Panic and exhaustion took over her and she started crying loudly and uncontrollably. 

“Evelyn?” said Dorian, now with genuine worry in his voice. He came up to her and turned her around so that she could look at him. 

“He…” she started but felt so shaken that she couldn’t produce any coherent sentence. “He was…” 

“What is it, Boss? You can tell us” said Bull gently. 

“He… touched…” she whined. “He wanted to… I can’t…” 

“Hush…” said Dorian as he took her into his arms, cradling her gently. He noticed her tangled hair, her dress in a slight mess and figured out what happened. As much as he wanted to smash the Count to smithereens, he knew that nothing could be done. Not without Evelyn’s consent and right now she was in no condition to make any reasonable decision. “Hush, my dear… Everything will be fine” 

*** 

“Leliana? May I take a moment of your time?” Josephine asked when she encountered her friend in the hall. She thought Leliana was the right person to listen. 

“Of course, Josie.” Leliana smiled “I’ll always have time for you. What is it?” 

“It’s… Well, it’s about the Inquisitor” Jospehine confessed. “I am worried for her. She hasn’t been the same since Cullen left.” 

Leliana’s smile disappear and sadness came to her face. Of course, she hasn’t. And she’ll never be the same again. 

“I know, Josie” she simply answered. “But we can do nothing about it” 

“But this is unbelievable!” Lady Ambassador exclaimed, finally letting her thoughts out. “Why would she agree to marry this awful man? Why wouldn’t she run after Commander and bring him back? More importantly, why wouldn’t she throw away her officious parents, which would undoubtedly cause a huge scandal? That’s _the Inquisitor_ I know!” 

Leliana just smiled sadly and nodded. 

“And a wedding in a week’s time? This is crazy! I truly do not understand it. Why would they insist on having it so soon? I mean, they don’t even know each other, this is madness. There should be weeks, months of preparations…” 

“Hush” suddenly Leliana touched Josephine’s shoulder with a concerned expression. 

“Don’t you hush me, Leliana, I…” Josephine started but Leliana interrupted her again. 

“No, Josie, hush, someone’s coming” Leliana warned her and dragged her into a dark corner of the hall where they could be barely visible. It seemed strange for someone apart from them and maybe the Inquisitor to be in this part of Skyhold at this hour. You can never be too cautious. 

“Can you believe it? She said no! What a sassy girl! I thought we raised her better, really” they heard the Inquisitor’s mother’s voice reaching them slowly. She probably walked with her husband who was extremely rugged for Josephine’s taste. She could barely remember if he even spoke to her once. Or maybe he didn’t? 

“So, obviously, I advised him to pay her an evening visit anyway. He must take her mind off this foolishness. She must be focused on securing her future, not some irrelevant organization. The Inquisitor!” Evelyn’s mother continued with her voice full of contempt “Rubbish! And more importantly, it is crucial for Charles to take her mind off this ridiculous Commander. She needs to be focused, not distracted by some puppy love!” 

Josephine trembled when he heard it and almost didn’t believe what she was hearing. Leliana, on the other hand, stood to attention and held on to every word she heard. Something was odd and she intended to find it out. Lucky for her, she didn’t have to work hard for that. It seemed that Evelyn’s mother was in her element and was about to tell her everything she needed to know. 

“Outrageous! The man has no title, no noble origins, he probably was as poor as you could imagine. And still he had the cheek to ask for our permission for Evelyn’s hand. Scandalous!” 

Both Josephine and Leliana held their breaths as they heard the last sentence. The riddle of Cullen’s quick disappearance started to solve itself. 

“Well, I’m certain” Lady Trevelyan continued “he wasn’t even a bit surprised with our answer. At least he was decent enough to disappear from our daughter’s life, still, we have to hurry, Evelyn might get some ridiculous ideas...” her voice slowly started to wander off as she dragged her husband down the hall. 

Leliana only dared to move when she was certain they were gone. 

“Unbelievable!” Josephine exclaimed in dismay. 

“Shh… someone may hear you” Leliana warned her “Come, let’s go to the War Room, there won’t be anybody who could listen.” 

When they reached the place, Josephine started pacing around the room, constantly shaking her head as a sign of disbelief. 

“This is truly… I do not even have proper words to describe it!” she kept talking and Leliana just stood there and watched her carefully. “How could they… I mean… Maker! This is why they insist on the wedding to be organized so soon. That must be it! Cullen wanted to propose, oh, it was high time he did that, and he sent them a letter asking for their permission. And they denied him because he wasn’t a noble… no title… what about the Inquisition? Evelyn made sure we were highly respected!” 

“Josie, everybody who is observant enough can see that Inquisitor’s parents don’t think highly of the Inquisition” said Leliana.

“Oh, Leliana, what are we going to do? We can’t just leave it like that! We have to find Cullen and bring him back, and we have to tell the Inquisitor…” 

“No” Leliana interrupted decisively. “You can’t tell her anything, not just yet. You have to promise me that, all right?” 

“But…” Josephine started but her friend didn’t let her finish. 

“No, Josie, she can’t know that. It would be devastating for her. I don’t know why but she feels powerless in the company of her parents, she wouldn’t do anything but just fall apart. We have to wait.” 

“Wait for what?” Josephine asked a bit irritated. All she wanted to do right now was to run to Inquisitor’s office and give her a full report from what she’s just heard. 

“Varric, Cassandra and Cole. They went to find Cullen and talk some sense into him; however, we have to inform Varric as quickly as possible about this. I shall send the messenger straight away. It might help him…” Leliana approached the door with a clear plan in her head. 

“And what are we supposed to do? We can’t wait forever! Tomorrow there’s a small banquet during which Inquisitor’s betrothal is going to be officially announced, if there’s any chance we can still save her from this…” Josephine just couldn’t stand the feeling. She wanted to help. 

“We have to wait” Leliana repeated firmly “There is no other way” 

*** 

Cullen was sitting on the bed, his face buried in his hands. He was breathing quickly and deeply trying to calm himself down. He nearly fell off the bed when he suddenly heard a knock on the door. 

“Leave!” he exclaimed with a cracked voice. 

“Oh, you wish…” he heard and looked at the door in shock. He recognized the voice immediately but it was just impossible… He quickly opened the door. 

The sight of three of his friends felt at the same time fantastic and terrifying. 

“What are you…” he started but Varric didn’t let him finish. 

“Curly! It seems like ages! Good to see you!” he said approaching Cullen and patting him on the shoulders. 

Cullen was speechless. He didn’t know what to think. He knew it was easy to find him, the Spymaster must have known from the very beginning where he was. But why would they go after him? Then, his heart skipped a beat. 

“Is Ev… the Inquisitor all right? Something happened to her?” he asked quickly. 

Cassandra just gave him a glare. She was about to say something but Varric asked her to “let him do the talking.” She agreed to that but was sure that she wouldn’t stand it long. 

“Oh, she’s alive if that’s what you mean” Varric said. “But I am not entirely sure you could tell she’s _all right._ After all, the love of her life left her without a word of explanation…” his voice was careless but Cullen knew it was just for show. He understood now why they came to see him. They wanted to bring him back. 

“Come on” Varric continued when he didn’t get any response from Cullen. “Drink’s on me” he pushed Cullen gently towards the tables. 

“Wait” Cassandra snapped suddenly, looking straight into Cullen’s eyes. “Before you do anything stupid, give it back to me” 

For a second, he considered pretending he didn’t know what she meant. But he knew Cassandra all too well and he knew that she wouldn’t give up easily. Not on this matter. 

And he was grateful to her when he gave her the vial with a blue liquid inside.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The banquet was a nightmare for Evelyn and she ran away as quickly as it was possible. Then, she ended up in a room where she found a solution to all her problems. 
> 
> Cullen realizes his mistake.

Evelyn never knew she could feel this way. She was devastated. After yesterday's "incident" with the Count she found herself jumping out of fear with every noise she heard. She found herself watching behind her back every couple of minutes. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't concentrate on anything. She simply didn't feel safe. And it was extremely strange for her. She was the Inquisitor! Fearless, brave woman who defeated Corypheus and saved the world! 

But this was different. The fear she felt before the fight motivated her to try harder and harder. The fear she felt now paralyzed her and made her unable to do anything. Not to mention, when she was supposed to fight the evil Darkspawn Magister she knew that the man she loved deeply would wait for her to come back. So she had to come back. 

Now, he wasn't even there to protect her. 

"Inquisitor?" she heard Josephine's voice behind the door and trembled. "Are you ready for the banquet?" 

Ready? She was never ready for such things. Moreover, she knew she would be forced to be in the same room with the Count and it terrified her.

"Yes" she answered. "You can come in, Josephine" Lady Ambassador opened the door and suddenly felt the urge to tell the Inquisitor about the secret she was supposed to keep. Evelyn looked so miserable that one could barely recognize the woman she was. Her face was swollen with constant crying and her eyes were surrounded by dark circles caused by the lack of sleep. Josephine reprimanded herself silently for wanting to break the word given to Leliana. 

"Are you... fine?" she just asked, knowing that this particular questions was simply inadequate. One didn't have to be a genius to figure out that she wasn't. 

"Yes, Josephine. Thank you" Evelyn answered not looking at her. 

She spent the night with Dorian and Bull who were trying very hard to calm her down. Dorian caressed her back, sometimes embraced her and cradled her when she let out yet another loud sob. Bull just paced around the room, mumbling something about killing the Count and ripping him into little pieces. And she just kept crying and crying. It seemed that her tears were never supposed to end. Everything hurt her because of this constant sobbing and she still couldn't stop. She didn't know how long it took her to calm down but when she finally did, she just fell asleep on the couch. She woke up in her bed so one of her friends must have carried her there. She promised herself that she would find them later on and thank them. 

Josephine approached her and readjusted some part of her dress that probably didn't really need that. 

"You look beautiful" she said. "Evelyn, if you want to we can still do something about it, you don't have to..." she started but Evelyn interrupted quickly. 

"It's all right, Josephine. Lead the way." Josephine sighed heavily and guided her to the banquet. Nobody could understand it and Evelyn was aware of that. 

But they didn't have to spend their childhoods with people like her mother who implanted in her daughter this constant need to obey her at all times and at all costs. 

She remembered one time when she took a cookie from the kitchen and her mother caught her red-handed. The punishment was to receive only one meal a day for two weeks, Evelyn was starving. But her mother insisted that it was for her own well-being for "no noble man would want to marry a fat cow." 

She also remembered one time when her mother found little Evelyn playing with a servant's daughter. Evelyn couldn't sit without wincing out of pain for a month. And, obviously, she never again saw the girl. It was "outrageously inappropriate" to deal with people like her. 

She remembered lots and lots of such situations. Her mother scared her to death and that is why she couldn't disobey. Not even now. 

She entered the room filled with nobles wearing fancy outfits and focusing all their attention to her and she felt sick. A knot that appeared in her stomach got even tighter when she couldn't find any familiar face in the crowd. 

"Come" Josephine said quietly and pushed her to the corner of the room. "Don't worry, Inquisitor. I will keep you company" she said, knowing how much Evelyn hated formal necessities like balls and banquets. 

"Thank you, Josephine" Evelyn answered. "Have you seen Dorian anywhere?"

"No but I am sure he wouldn't miss a chance to mingle so he should appear anytime now." 

"All right..." said Evelyn, disappointed her friend wasn't here now. He and Bull were the only ones who knew what had happened last night and, Maker help her, she intended for it to stay this way. "What about Varric? And Cassandra? I haven't seen them for a while" 

Josephine's eyes widened and she cursed herself silently because she hadn't prepared any excuse for them. 

"Uhm... No, Inquisitor, I haven't seen them..." Evelyn's sad face made her heart tremble. 

"I see..." the Inquisitor answered. Time passed and Josephine had to attend her duties. She apologized Evelyn and left her, promising that she would come back as soon as she would be able to.

Evelyn was left alone. She sighed heavily and started looking around the room, still hoping to find Dorian among the crowd.   
She didn't find Dorian. But she did find the Count. He was chatting with some Orlesians, charming as ever, laughing silently as one of the women was speaking to him. He caught Evelyn's sight and smiled at her. It seemed an innocent, polite gesture; however, Evelyn knew who this man was truly. She held her breath and went deep into the crowd. She couldn't be alone, she had to find somebody to talk to, otherwise the Count would come to her, somebody to speak with, anybody... 

"There you are, darling!" She heard Dorian's voice, jumped and shrieked silently with fear. Dorian looked at her troubled. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." He lowered his voice "Are you all right? How do you feel?"

"I..." Evelyn started. She sighed and gulped. "I'm fine, Dorian, thank you" she just said. 

He looked at her carefully and led her to a remote corner of the room. 

"Do you want me to kill him? Because I would more than happy to do it. Bull would do it, too, but I can be more efficient with my magic" he started silently. 

"No, this won't be necessary" she answered. 

"What? What are you talking about?" Dorian seemed shocked "The man tried to rape you, Evelyn. His testicles should be chopped off and burnt in hot fire. Or in the reverse order, if you'd prefer."   
Evelyn felt scared stiff. "Please, Dorian, don't do anything..."   
"Oh, for the love of... Are you being serious? What is wrong with you? Why would you behave in this way? This is definitely not the Evelyn I know" He was clearly upset with her but she couldn't help it. 

Dorian wanted to leave and Evelyn, desperate for company, grabbed hold of his arm. 

"Please, don't go" she said quickly, catching the attention of some of the nobles around them. Dorian looked at her surprised and angry at the same time but when he noticed horror grimacing her face he softened. 

"All right" he sighed "I may not understand you but I will not abandon you among these hyenas" 

Most of the time they simply mingled. Some kind words there, some here. Dorian kept his word and didn't abandon his friend. What is more, he was constantly trying to hide her from the Count who evidently looked for the opportunity to approach her.   
Unfortunately, the time has come for the official announcements to be made and Dorian could no longer keep Evelyn safe. 

"My lords and ladies, may I ask for your attention" she heard Josephine's voice and cowered involuntarily. 

"We are gathered here to..." Lady Ambassador cleared her throat "... celebrate" she continued "the betrothal of our dear Inquisitor, Evelyn Trevelyan" Evelyn approached Lady Ambassador "and Count Charles du Ravignon of Ostwick." He suddenly appeared next to Evelyn and held her shoulder. She stiffened. "We thank you for your presence here today."   
Josephine was quick and her speech was simple. It was as if she wanted to end the party as quickly as possible. 

People didn't really pay attention to her lousy speech, only a few of the gathered were polite enough to take a pause their conversations. She tried really hard to find Dorian again but Count's hold was tight and firm. 

"Well, _Inquisitor_ " he started and in his mouth, the word sounded as an insult "I am indeed very lucky to be your fiancé" he then leaned in to her ear and whispered " And don't you worry, my dear. We _will_ finish what we started yesterday. I will rape you and you will beg for my mercy." 

Evelyn felt her soul escaping her body. The only thing she could feel now was fear. 

*** 

Cullen shook his head again. 

"No" he repeated firmly "I will not go back." 

Cassandra and Varric have been trying to convince him for a couple of hours now. Cole just sat there and watched. It seemed pointless. Cullen was stubborn and didn't want to tell them anything. He just kept repeating that it would be better for the Inquisitor (it was too difficult for him to call her with her name) to be without him. 

"Ugh... You are like a big cry-baby!" Cassandra exclaimed with fury. "Why don't you understand that she's hurting? It's not only about you!" 

"She'll be fine. She'll come to terms with my decision eventually" Cullen said staring at his mug. He wanted to shout but kept quiet. The headache didn’t go away but it got a bit lighter when he saw his friends. 

"This is just cruel and to hear it from _you_?" Cassandra looked at him disgusted "I would never suspect for you to be that kind of man" 

Cullen's fists clenched. _Why can't they understand I'm doing it for her?_

Varric just sighed heavily. He felt defeated. Nothing he said seemed to reach this man's ears. It was a complete waste of breath. 

Then, he noticed a man in the corner, pointing at him and trying to show him to come closer. Curious as it was his nature, Varric stood up, told everyone that he was going to the loo and approached the man. 

"Master Tethras, an urgent message from our Spymaster. For your eyes only." 

Varric just took the envelope and let the man disappear. He opened it quickly and just couldn't believe the answer to Commander's actions was this simple. He grinned and came back to the table. 

"Well, Commander, if you finished arguing with the Seeker and crying into your beer, there's one little thing that I wanted to ask you." 

Cassandra looked at him with curiosity, still furious with Cullen, while he didn't react in any way. 

"Why in Andraste's name would you think that any of these things bother our dear Inquisitoralness?" Varric asked and when he saw that Cullen had a little understanding of his words, he added "I mean, the title, the land, noble origins crap... Do you really think it matters for her?" 

Cullen's face expressed nothing but shock and disbelief. 

"How do you..." he started but Varric didn't let him finish. 

"Oh, I have my ways" he said, noting to himself that he should congratulate Leliana on her skills. How she finds out such things would never stop to amaze him. 

"What do you mean?" Cassandra asked feeling confused. 

Cullen kept silent. He decied not to say anything else. 

"Well, Curly here wanted to make his relationship formal. So he wrote to Evelyn's parents, not knowing that it's better not to start discussions with nobles. And they denied him, that's what it's about." Varric explained. "They denied him" he continued "because his not a noble." 

"This is ridiculous." Cassandra snarled "Evelyn couldn't care less about this foolishness and Cullen knows that, right?" She looked at him expecting an answer. But he kept his head low and felt his cheeks burn.

"Oh, you can't be serious, Commander!" She exclaimed "You left her because you feared she would reject you for your lack of noble roots?! It's the last thing I would reject you for, that's for sure!" 

Varric looked at her amused and grinned. Cassandra never ceased to entertain him with her comments. Cullen looked at her confused. 

"Well, to start with" Cassandra continued "She should reject you because you left her all alone! And her parents paid a visit, you must know how she hates her parents!" Cullen still gazed at her and realized that he didn't know it. He never asked her about her parents. Whenever they spoke about families, they mainly discussed his part. She always found some clever way to avoid answering. 

"You're just hopeless!" Cassandra continued realizing Cullen's unawareness. "She's terrified of them! Maker knows what is happening in Skyhold right now... You're just so self-centred I cannot even begin to give you reasons why you should go back to her. You left her alone, depressed and unaware of your actions. Can you imagine what she's going through right now?!" 

"Oh, Seeker, if you are curious about the situation in Skyhold..." Varric broke in "She's going to marry some noble man. They are preparing the wedding which is to take place next week." 

"What?!" Cassandra yelled in dismay. 

Cullen looked at him, trying to wrap his head around it all. 

They were right. He couldn't see it before but now it was clear to him. He just ran away like a coward. Left her to fight all alone. He just needed to talk to someone about it, to hear their point of view, to just be convinced that Evelyn's parents' opinion didn't really matter if they loved each other. 

_Maker, what have I done..._

"His hands are cold but his heart warm" Cole suddenly spoke up "I love him, love him with whole my heart, Maker, please, let him be always safe and sound, let him be by my side. I don't want him to leave me, with him I feel whole, feel like myself. Can he ever love me as much as I love him?" 

All three of them went silent. Varric and Cassandra looked at Cullen, waiting for his reaction. 

And he suddenly felt really stupid. He was always so sure he was the one who loved more. He didn't realize Evelyn's feelings were so strong. 

_Oh, no, no, no, Maker..._

He realized how much he messed it all up. And how much he had to fix now. 

_She's getting married._

This thought made his heart skip a beat. Maybe her husband-to-be was a noble, maybe he was rich and powerful, maybe he was even handsome, charming, maybe Evelyn liked him... But Cullen had to come back and apologize her. It didn't matter if she chose the other man. He had to see her and tell her how sorry he was. 

He stood up but the amount of alcohol he drank was enough for him to feel tipsy. He faltered. 

"Whoah, Curly, watch out, we don't want to make a scene here..." Varric said, uncertain of Commander's intention. 

"I have to... come back" Cullen just rasped. 

Cassandra and Varric sighed with relieve. Finally. 

"It's been a long day" Cassandra said. 

"Definitely. Let's just get you to your dirty bed and set off tomorrow. Consider this bed as your punishment for stupidity... One more night in this filthy place should erase all stupid ideas that might appear in your head, Commander"

***

Evelyn finally managed to escape the banquet. She didn’t find Dorian and she had to spend some time with Count so she felt shaken. Her whole body was screaming with fear of what the future might hold for her. She just kept walking straight ahead, not realizing where her feet led her. The moment she felt she could no longer hold her tears, she opened some door to the right and closed it behind her. She just sat in the corner, hid her face in her hands and let the tears flow. 

Her life turned into a living hell in a nick of time and it was difficult for her to grasp it. 

She couldn’t understand it. 

Everything turned out right. She defeated Corypheus, came back alive, the Inquisition was a powerful force and people generally respected her. What happened? 

“Oh, my love…” she whispered sobbing “Why did you leave me? I’m lost without you…” 

After some time she managed to get up and take a few deep breaths. She looked around and noticed she ended up in one of their herbalists’ warehouse. She didn’t know why the door was opened, it was definitely not wise. The room was filled not only with all sorts of herbs but also with vials containing different potions. 

Her eyes wandered off to a shelf on which there was one vial that caught her attention. 

Poison. 

She suddenly heard some noise just outside the door and panicked. 

She reached out for the vial and hid it in her pocket. 

“Inquisitor?” she heard a voice behind her. It was a herbalist. He looked confused with her presence here. 

“I…” she started trying to think clearly, adrenaline still rushing through her veins. “I was just looking for something… if we have enough of… elfroot. That's right, elfroot. I might collect some more next time I’m on a mission” she stammered and quickly approached the door. 

“Your Worship” the herbalist said as a way of saying goodbye. 

Evelyn left the chamber and quickly turned to her own room. 

The burden of a potion she had in her pocket was heavier than she’d expected.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn is nowhere to be found and her friends start worrying about her.  
> Cullen is on his way home.

Cullen woke up later than usual. He felt thumping in his head but sighed with relieve. It wasn’t because of the lyrium. It was a simple hangover. 

_How much did I drink yesterday?_

He didn’t spend a lot of time wondering about the amount of alcohol he consumed as he felt anxiety reach his mind. He was coming back to Skyhold today and he was terrified. He had so many things to fix that he didn’t even know where to begin. But he was about to see Evelyn and to be honest, it was all that mattered to him. His heart trembled and warmed up when he thought about her beautiful eyes and breath-taking smile. He just hoped she could smile for him just one more time… 

He got out of bed, gathered all his belongings and went out of the room sincerely hoping he would never again be forced to sleep in a place like this. He found his companions sitting by the table and waiting for him. Cassandra was still a bit upset with him but he didn’t expect anything else. Maker knows he was extremely upset with himself. He acted like a pitiful coward and deserved to be treated like one. For the time being. 

“Curly! Finally, we thought you’d never wake up” said Varric, cheerful as usual. 

“Is it late?” Cullen asked unaware of how long exactly he spent sleeping. 

“It’s almost noon.” Cassandra spoke up and he sensed a hint of reprimand in her voice. “Time to go.” 

“Let the poor man eat something, Seeker!” Varric exclaimed laughing “Skyhold won’t run away” 

Cassandra just snorted but didn’t say anything else. Cullen however eager to set off, sat by the table feeling his stomach grumble. 

“Just a quick breakfast” he said as an excuse “and we’ll go.” 

He ordered some eggs and bread, and started eating very quickly. 

“Easy, Curly” Varric grinned “We didn’t come here on a rescue mission just to have you choke on your food.” Varric felt somewhat relieved, too. And once again, he could congratulate himself on accomplishing a mission. 

“However, some hurry is advisable” Cassandra added “The wedding won’t wait forever. That is if you want to stop it, of course.” 

Cullen gulped the food loudly and suddenly lost all his appetite. Cassandra was right, the wedding. He had to do something about the wedding, he couldn’t let Evelyn, _his_ Evelyn marry another man… Although, come to think of it, he wasn’t even sure if Evelyn would want to even speak with him. And how do you apologize for things he’s said and done? 

“Have you got any plan?” Varric asked, as if he was reading Cullen’s mind. 

“Not really…” Cullen mumbled ashamed. 

“Maybe some flowers, a serenade, kneeing before her and begging for forgiveness?” Varric suggested half-jokingly. 

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “Don’t be stupid. They just need to talk and explain everything. Honestly, I can’t even start guessing why Evelyn would agree to marry some noble man. She hates them.” 

“Yeah, it does seem a bit strange. But no point in wild guessing, we’ll find out once we’re home” Varric finished. 

Home. Cullen realized that he, in fact, treated Skyhold like his home. He never really imagined living somewhere else, he remembered when he dreamt about his future life with Evelyn, about their marriage, their children, their family… It all took place there, in that huge fortress. 

He felt even more motivated to gain back what he’s lost because of his own mistakes. 

_I will win her back._ He thought to himself and finished his meal. 

“Where’s Cole?” suddenly Varric spoke up as they were getting ready to set off. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him all morning” Cassandra answered and Varric sighed heavily. 

“He’s probably somewhere nearby searching for people he can help. Andraste’s knickers, we’ll never leave this Maker forsaken tavern. Let’s go find him.” 

Cullen started looking around the tavern in search of Cole. He wanted to find him soon enough, the only thing that was on his mind at that moment was the thought of Evelyn and holding her in his arms. 

*** 

Evelyn hasn’t left her chamber for the whole day. 

The first person to come check on her was Dorian. He knocked on the door but didn’t get any response so he left, thinking that perhaps she was still sleeping, exhausted after yesterday’s banquet. 

The second person was Josephine. She wanted to hand in some recent reports which of course were an excuse for just checking how she was feeling after yesterday. Evelyn didn’t look very well when she was leaving the party so Josephine, just like Dorian, thought that Inquisitor was simply sleeping. 

The third one to arrive at her door was the Count. He wanted to continue what he started last time he paid Evelyn a visit. He didn’t knock, he simply pulled the handle. The door was locked so he assumed Inquisitor wasn’t there and left to look for her somewhere else. 

Dorian came back to check if everything was all right a couple of hours later. He knocked but didn’t get any answer so he pulled the handle. The door was still closed. 

“Evelyn?” he asked loudly through the door “Are you there?” 

But there was only silence. So he left, being sure that she must have gone to fulfill her duties. 

After she didn’t show up to dinner, Josephine and Leliana started worrying. They discussed possible options of Inquisitor’s whereabouts while at the opposite side of the table Dorian and Bull were doing exactly the same thing. 

“Do you think he might have…?” Bull started and looked meaningfully at the Count. 

“Don’t be foolish, my friend, it’s impossible. We would have heard something. Besides, I tried following him the whole morning, he didn’t come close to her, I’m sure of that.” Dorian answered strongly but deep down feeling a bit anxious. 

“Oh, Leliana, where did she go? She doesn’t have a habit of disappearing suddenly without a word…” Josephine wrung her hands. 

“I know. Apparently it’s a habit of a certain Commander” Leliana answered with impatience building up in her. Varric, Cassandra and Cole should be back by now and she was beginning to worry. 

“Leliana, please, this is serious” Josephine continued “What if something happened to her?” 

“Don’t worry, Josie. She probably just made a day off, she has been extremely tired recently” The Spymaster tried calming her friend down although she also had a gut feeling that something was odd. 

They all worried for her unaware of where she might be. Evelyn’s parents asked Lady Ambassador to arrange a meeting with their daughter but Josephine told them that Inquisitor was extremely busy and just couldn’t afford to meet them today. They went away to the gardens, which apparently became their favorite place for spending whole days, doing nothing but gossiping and complaining about the Skyhold’s conditions. 

The Inquisitor was nowhere to be seen as the sun has already begun setting. 

By evening, everybody was worried sick. 

*** 

Their mounts very extremely slow for Commander’s taste. He tried rushing the group but the journey was long and boring. 

Varric was teaching Cole the rules of Wicked Grace again because he seemed to have difficulties with grasping the idea of playing cards. Cassandra was silent, looking at them from time to time and holding back a grin each time Varric sighed with frustration.  
Cullen was silent, too. He was buried deep in his thoughts. 

He wasn’t really sure what to do. Should he just come up to her and beg her for forgiveness? What if she doesn’t want to even see him? Maybe he should just wait for the appropriate moment? But how was he supposed to know which moment would be the best? 

He was anxious and impatient. He wanted to go faster but at the same time he flinched at the thought of arriving at Skyhold. His mood got even worse when he realized Evelyn wouldn’t be the only person he had to apologize. He imagined Leliana and Josephine would be as upset as Cassandra. 

They weren’t far away but their horses needed rest so they set up a camp to eat dinner. Little pieces of bread felt oddly dry in Cullen’s mouth as he felt more and more anxious about the result of his coming back. 

“Why did you leave her?” Cassandra suddenly asked him. 

He looked at her surprised and wondered a bit what he should tell her. 

“I…” he started but wasn’t really sure he was ready for any serious confessions. He never was a type of person who would go around and talk about his feelings and probably that was the reason why he decided to flee. He felt hurt with the letter he got from Evelyn’s parents and wasn’t really ready to admit it. He was a warrior after all, he should be the one that is strong and resilient but being with Evelyn, finding out she wanted to be with him despite his past and his lyrium withdrawal made him soft. He would do anything for her and knowing that he couldn’t give her what was expected from him made him not only miserable but also scared to death. Scared that she would reject him, which was something he just couldn’t endure. He needed her because she made him a better man. 

Lost in his thoughts, he realized that Cassandra was still waiting for an answer. 

“I don’t want to talk about it” he finally said. 

Cassandra frowned. 

“Of course you don’t, I should have expected that” she sighed and continued “You know, when you left she was broken. She didn’t want anyone to see it but it was obvious. And she didn’t really want to talk about it neither, you both can be so stubborn…” 

“That’s why they go together so well” Varric broke in. 

Cullen lowered his head in embarrassment and promised himself that from now on he would do everything in his power to make it up to Evelyn. He would never leave her again, never. 

That is, of course, if she wants him back. 

“You’re uncertain” Cole spoke slowly “You worry if she forgives you. You shouldn’t. She loves you very much” 

Cullen looked at the boy and gave him a weak smile. 

“Thank you, Cole” he said and suggested they set off when he noticed the sun going down.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn wants to do something that would release her from pain. Will Cullen manage to save her?

Evelyn was sitting on her bed, feeling numb and overwhelmed. She hasn’t moved for the whole day now. There were people trying to get in, looking for her but she just kept quiet. She didn’t want any company at that moment. Not if she wanted to get ready for making her plans come to life. 

She’s spent the whole day sitting in one position and staring at the vial she stole from the herbalists. Well, technically, she didn’t steal them as she was their leader. It all sort of belonged to her anyway. 

She was wondering whether they’d notice this one, small vial’s gone missing but then again it probably wasn’t very important to check on their stores so often. Which meant she had enough time to do what she intended before anyone notices. 

They have probably already noticed her absence but she just hoped they would look for her somewhere else. They wouldn’t break down the door, wouldn’t they? 

As she was sitting there, she let tears fall down her face from time to time. 

Everything was wrong. Her parents didn’t intend to leave until her wedding with the Count and he appeared to be a sick and twisted man. Why was it easier to fight an evil Darkspawn Magister than to fight her rapist-to-be? 

More importantly, Cullen was gone. Yes, Cullen, she was no longer afraid to think of his name. He left her all alone and was never coming back. She had no hope. She felt like she was an empty shell, devoid of all feelings. 

Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw the Count touching her, squeezing her breast, she heard his voice telling her all the horrible things. She remembered his breath on her neck, she remembered his panting that made her feel disgusted with herself. 

There was a large mirror in front of her bed and she just stared at it, trying to remember when was the last time she laughed. And she couldn’t. It was as if Cullen took all her happiness with him, leaving her empty. 

“Why?” she whispered to her reflection, once again feeling the tears welling up in her eyes “I just want to know why…” 

She was wondering where he might be now. Was he happy? Probably yes. He told her he no longer loved her, didn’t he? He must feel relieved to set himself free, away from her… 

She turned her eyes to the vial that was laying in front of her. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed, unable to think straight, it was like a never-ending nightmare. She wanted to wake up from it, to make the nightmare stop… 

And now she found a way to do it. 

Suddenly she got up from the bed and approached the mirror. She faltered a bit, feeling sore. She looked at herself in the mirror, reddened eyes filled with tears and felt disgusted with herself. She was weak, couldn’t protect herself from her parents and from her fiancé. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispered thinking about her friends. They probably won’t like it but they will get over it eventually. She just wished there was some way to say goodbye to them. But there wasn’t. 

She just had to do it quickly. 

But she was so scared… 

Furious with her own weakness, she took the first thing that came to her hands, which appeared to be an old book of some kind and smashed the mirror with it. It shattered into thousand little pieces with a loud crash. 

She was breathing heavily, waiting to find out if anybody outside heard the noise she made. But there was silence. 

She went to the bed and took the vial in her hand, tore the seal off and pulled out a wooden cork. 

She sighed and whispered again “I’m sorry…” 

The world around her closed and she couldn’t hear anything, just loud hum in her ears. 

And she moved the vial to her lips. 

*** 

They were almost at the gates of Skyhold. They could see the guards outside and Cullen recognized two of his men. 

“Oh, come on, Kid, it’s not that difficult. You just don’t focus enough” Varric exclaimed irritated. He never realized there could be somebody who just wouldn’t understand the rules of Wicked Grace. It was the easiest game he knew! 

“I’m sorry. You’re irritated with me” Cole said apologetically. 

“No, no, it’s fine. You’ll learn eventually” Varric answered smiling at him. 

Cole tried smiling back but it still was difficult for him to grasp the idea of playing cards and he knew it would help his friend with his frustration. 

Suddenly, Cole stiffened. 

“Depressed, lonely, unwanted” he started speaking and his voice was more worried than usual. 

“Kid, it’s just cards, don’t feel…” said Varric, thinking that Cole was talking about himself. But the boy interrupted him immediately. 

“Can’t stand it, won’t stand it. The solution, it’s simple, an end to it all. Empty shell, pathetic, embarrassed.”   
All three of them stopped and looked at Cole trying to figure out what he meant. Cullen felt an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. 

“He won’t come back, I will never see him smile. Pointless to live. Poison, it’s easy, just drink it. The vial is cold against my fingers and my hands are shaking…” Cole looked at them terrified. “She’s in her chamber.”

Cullen didn’t need to hear anymore. He rushed his mount through the gate. 

“Was that the Commander?” one of the guards asked but Cullen didn’t hear it. He jumped off the horse and raced towards her chambers. 

_Maker, please, no, don’t let her, I can’t lose her._

He passed Josephine and Leliana, speaking to each other in the main hall. 

“Cullen?” Josephine said with dismay in her voice. The two women looked at each other and rushed to catch him. 

Dorian noticed him on his way to Lady Ambassador. He wanted to share his concerns for Evelyn’s well-being with her, maybe even tell her about the Inquisitor’s fiancé’s blameworthy actions but he stopped surprised when he saw Commander running so quickly as if his life depended on it and then Lady Ambassador and the Spymaster behind him. He was confused so he followed them. 

When Cullen was close he heard a large crash of a broken glass and it made his heart skip a beat. He reached the door with his heart pounding loudly in his chest. 

“Evelyn?!” he screamed but didn’t wait for an answer. He just broke the door down, pushing on it with all his force. 

He saw Evelyn moving her hand up to her mouth. Her hand, in which she held a vial. 

He quickly jumped to her and pushed her hand so that she let the vial down. The bottle smashed on the ground and she looked at him disoriented. 

When she saw him, she held her breath. Her first instinct was to reach her hand to him and caress his face, embrace him, cry into his shoulders. But she hesitated. She wasn’t even sure it was real. 

“Evelyn…” he whispered looking deep into her eyes and feeling both relieved he managed to prevent a disaster and terrified of not knowing what to say, how to apologize her. 

Then he noticed her weak movement towards him and realized how miserable she looked. _Maker, she tried to kill herself._

“Cullen?” she said silently, sounding as if she didn’t believe he was standing before her. 

He took her into his arms, embraced her strongly and intertwined his fingers in her hair, thanking the Maker she lived. 

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry, will you ever forgive me?” he started with a cracked voice. “I was a fool, I just didn’t understand… Please, Evelyn, you’re the love of my life” he continued cupping her face. “I… I don’t want to spend one more minute without you. It’s all my fault, can you ever forgive me?” 

Evelyn looked at him and still couldn’t believe it was all real. Having hard time with letting the thoughts reach her awareness, she let tears were fall down her face freely and she tried to memorize every inch of Cullen’s face, terrified he would disappear if she blinked. 

“Cullen…” she whispered again, unable to say anything else. 

And he just couldn’t keep himself in control anymore. He pushed his lips against hers and started kissing her passionately. His hands were all over her body, holding her strongly as always, protecting. 

They were both aching for each other’s touch. 

When they finally stopped and looked at each other again, they heard Leliana’s voice reaching them from the door. 

“All right, now that we have this breathtaking welcome behind us, you can both start explaining what is going on” she said, sounding irritated and amused at the same time. 

There was a small crowd gathered in front of Evelyn’s chamber. Leliana was standing with her arms crossed, Josephine pulled her hand to her mouth unable to think of an appropriate comment, Dorian was watching them in disbelief, Varric and Cassandra were smirking in content and Cole simply said: “You managed. You saved her.” 

“Yes, Commander, I am indeed very curious why you’re holding my fiancée in your arms” they heard Count’s voice behind them and stepped away. He approached Evelyn and Cullen. 

Evelyn shook with fear on the sight of him and Cullen felt it clearly. He looked at her with question in his eyes but she looked down and held tightly to his arms. It was an obvious sign for him and so he stepped forward and hid Evelyn behind his broad shoulders. 

“Embarrassment, weakness” Cole spoke up suddenly and nearly everyone jumped. “His hands all over my body, I want to scream but he won’t let me, take him away, I don’t want him…” Cole continued and his words sent shivers up and down Evelyn’s spine. “He wanted to rape her” Cole simply stated, staring at the Count. A loud gasp of shock and disbelief went through the group.

Cullen felt his blood boiled with fury. The man who was standing in front of him dared to touch Evelyn; moreover, he hurt her. His fists clenched and he scowled. He was using all his power to keep calm. Immediately, there were Varric and Dorian at both his sides, ready to intervene if necessary, knowing that they wouldn’t stand a chance against the Commander’s fury if he decided to throw himself at the man. Maker knows, both of them wanted to do exactly the same thing, just rip the man apart. Cullen breathed loudly. 

“You can’t do anything” Count said viciously “She’s betrothed to me. She belongs to me, she’s mine!” he exclaimed. 

Cullen growled loudly like a lion and made a step forward. The Count backed away with fear in his eyes, while Dorian and Varric grabbed hold of Commander’s arms immediately. 

_Maker’s breath, if this man speaks one more word…_ Cullen thought. 

“Commander” Josephine suddenly spoke up, her voice trembling with emotions; however, the air seemed to be a bit thick in the room so she thought no one would notice that her nerves were beginning to take over her “there are certain… procedures. You can… well… recapture? Inquisitor’s hand, I mean. Maker, that did sound bad, I am terribly sorry, Inquisitor.” 

“What procedures?” Cullen grinded out. 

“You will have to challenge the Count to a duel. If you win, the Count will be obliged to retreat” Josephine answered, not entirely sure whether she was right in informing Cullen about this opportunity. 

Evelyn held her breath. She felt petrified, unable to move, everything was going on so fast and she felt so weak… 

“All right” Cullen said, his eyes focused completely on this pathetic Count who dared to lay hands on _his_ Evelyn. “I challenge you, Count whatever your name is” 

The Count looked at Cullen, uncertain of what he should do. The Commander seemed a capable man and he definitely was stronger than him but then, he looked at the Inquisitor, cowering helplessly behind the Commander’s back and lust took over him when he thought about her pain and fear after he defeats her lover. 

“Very well, Commander” he said boastfully. “Tomorrow, at noon” he finished and left the chamber. 

“Cullen” Evelyn said quietly and he immediately turned to her. She approached him, unable to say anything else. 

And fainted right into his arms. 

“Evelyn!” he screamed, terrified that maybe he was late after all, maybe she managed to take a sip of that poison? He took her in his arms and put her on the bed. 

There was a commotion as everybody started running around shocked with the chain of events and worried for their Inquisitor. There were hands touching her forehead, checking her breath, her pulse, everybody was screaming nervously… 

Cullen caressed Evelyn’s cheek and felt unable to turn his eyes away from her. 

“She’ll be fine, Commander” he suddenly heard Leliana’s voice “She’s just exhausted, she needs rest. Come, you have a lot to explain…” 

“No” he interrupted her harshly “I will not leave her side” 

Leliana kept to herself a vicious comment she had in her mind about leaving the Inquisitor’s side and put a hand on Cullen’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, she’ll be all right. We’ll take care of her, the healers will be here soon to make her feel better.” 

“No, I can’t” Cullen repeated with a tight throat. 

“I’ll stay with her” Dorian offered “I know some of healing magic in case anything happens to her” Even if Dorian felt an urge to hear Commander’s story and to be in the center of events, if only to repeat all the story to Bull, he felt his heart breaking when he saw his dear friend, laying in bed, defenseless and broken. 

“See?” Leliana said giving the Tevinter a grateful look. “Come.” 

Cullen stood up, still shaking with nerves. He barely understood what was going on around him. 

“You’ve got a lot to explain, dear sir” Leliana said to him when they went out of Inquisitor’s chamber and Cullen thought that he wasn’t going to like the discussion which was waiting for him.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn wakes up and surprises Cullen. They both worry for their future.

It felt like an eternity. Leliana and Josephine’s reprimands were never ending. Starting with “what have you been thinking, leaving the Inquisition forces like that” and finishing with “and you could’ve spoken with us, I thought we were friends.” He has only been gone for a short time but they didn’t know he would come back. Well, technically, he didn’t know it neither. The guilt he felt doubled, if that was even possible and now the burden he carried in his heart was beyond measuring. He said sorry thousands of times but even to him it didn’t sound enough. 

“All right…” Leliana finally sighed, standing in front of him with arms crossed “Now, what do we do with our duel problem?” 

“What do you mean?” Cullen answered a bit surprised “I’ll fight him tomorrow and I intend to win.” He felt his blood boil again when he remembered the words said by Cole. 

_He wanted to rape her._  
He didn’t want to imagine what Evelyn must have been through but the images came to his mind involuntarily and each time he saw the man’s hands on her breasts, lips on her neck, pushing her, hurting her, Cullen just couldn’t sit still. 

He stood up and started pacing around the room. 

“There are… ways” Leliana said with hesitation and continued when nobody answered “He could just have an accident by breakfast.” 

“Leliana!” Josephine exclaimed with horror in her voice. “It’s about the Commander’s honor, what if somebody found out?!” 

“Well, I’m not saying it without a reason “ Leliana explained“ The Count is known to be a good fighter, he’s skilled with many weapons. And you challenged him, Commander, so he gets to choose a type of weapon.” 

“Has he ever fought in a battle?” Cullen asked with curiosity. The Count was a bit smaller than him, it’s true, but he didn’t seem soft. He was well-built and seemed capable enough to be a challenge at tomorrow’s duel. But it all didn’t matter to Cullen, he was focused on winning. It was the only way of saving Evelyn from this monster. 

“No, actually no. He only practices it, never fought for real” Leliana answered.

“All right. So he’s not a real threat to me. I will defeat him” Cullen said firmly. 

“I’m sure you will” Josephine assured him. “But then, you need to rest before tomorrow. You must be exhausted after…” 

“I have to go and see Ev… the Inquisitor. See if she’s fine” he interrupted with a tight throat. The thought of her laying unconscious in her bed made him uneasy. He turned around and went to the door. 

“You know” Leliana spoke up when he was about to pull the handle. “You have to be prepared for the possibility that she might not forgive you” she said and her words hurt like knives straight to his heart. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
Leliana approached him quickly and put a hand on his arm. 

“You’ve messed up and have a lot to fix…” she started and Cullen got himself ready for another set of reprimands “but I can’t even imagine what you have to feel if you were ready to leave us all. It must be a nightmare not only for her but also for you.” She continued and Cullen looked at her surprised. It was the first time that anybody has showed him compassion since this mess started. Well, since _he_ started this mess. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes high. You have to be ready for her anger and disappointment, you know that, don’t you?” 

“I do…” Cullen whispered with a heavy heart. 

“Just… be patient, all right?” Leliana said and left the room. 

“She’s right” Josephine added. “But Evelyn loves you, she will forgive you eventually” she said as she tried to comfort him. 

“I…” Cullen started and trembled at the thought that Evelyn might never want to speak with him again. “I don’t hope for anything, really. I just want to make things right. And I will never again leave the Inquisition, you have my word.” 

“Thank you, Cullen” Josephine answered with a faint smile. 

He left the war room and turned to Evelyn’s chamber with a heavy heart. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy but the heartache was unbearable. He opened the door and saw Dorian sitting by her bed and holding her hand. 

She laid there in her bed, so defenseless and fragile that Cullen felt his heart hurt even more. She was a strong and capable woman, he wasn’t used to seeing her in such a state. Even when she was unconscious, her face seemed to be worried and miserable. Cullen cursed himself in his mind for he knew it was his fault. 

“Has she woken up?” he asked approaching the mage. 

“No. Not yet” Dorian answered. “But she will. She’s strong.” 

Cullen nodded. He couldn’t stop looking at her, marveling at the fact that she still lived. 

“She needed you, you know?” Dorian snapped suddenly. Cullen never saw the man being so serious. He didn’t know what to say. “Why did you leave her?” Dorian asked staring at the Commander intensively. 

It was the same question Cassandra asked him not so long ago. And he still didn’t know how to respond to it. He just looked down and kept silent. 

“Very well, you don’t have to tell me” the Tevinter told him after a couple of minutes and stood up. “But you will have to explain it all to her and that is going to be a lot more difficult” he finished and left the room. 

Cullen sit next to Evelyn and held her hand. He closed his eyes and got lost in his thoughts of regret and guilt. If he could just turn back time… 

Suddenly, he felt her movement. 

“Cullen…” she mumbled, her eyes still closed. 

“I’m here, my love. I’m here” he said, caressing her cheek. 

She winced and finally looked at him. At first, she thought it was a dream but then, she remembered everything. 

“You can’t…” she started and cleared her throat. She tried to get up, leaning on her elbows but she was still weak. 

“Don’t move” he interrupted her, gently adjusting the pillows. “You need to rest” 

“You can’t fight with him” she continued as if she didn’t hear him at all. Her eyes were fixed on him, worry lingering in them. “He’ll cheat. What if you are hurt?” 

Cullen smiled sadly and felt warm spilling over his heart. It was comforting to know she cared for him after all he’s done. 

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine” he reassured, feeling an urge to cup her face and just marvel at her beauty and kindness but hesitated as he was not entirely sure how she would react. They were talking, yes, but she has probably still been in a shock. 

“But…” she started again but he didn’t let her finish. 

“Evelyn, it’s the only way I can save you from him” she didn’t answer so he added “Besides, I have already challenged the man, I can’t back down now” 

Evelyn fell down on her pillows with a heavy sigh and closed her eyes. 

“I can’t lose you again” she whispered and it made his heart break and melt at the same time. Maybe, after all, there was a chance for them? 

“Do you want…” he started but suddenly fear was all over him. He knew he should ask this question but it was just so relieving to spend these few moments without being questioned and bombarded with reproaches. But it was Evelyn. If there was a person in the world who deserved an explanation, it definitely would be her. “Do you want to talk, Evelyn?” 

She looked at him carefully with worry all over her face. 

“No” she finally said. “Not now. If you are to fight tomorrow… We’ll talk later” she finished the sentence rather harshly. Cullen heard it and decided he should leave her and let her rest. He stood up but then, she suddenly grabbed hold of his hand. 

“Please, stay” she whispered. 

Cullen looked at her completely taken aback. 

“I thought…” he started but she didn’t let him finish. 

“Let’s not talk. I want to spend this night close to you” she said, moving a bit to the side, signaling that he should lay near her.

“Whatever you wish” he just said and proceeded to take off his armor. 

They fell asleep in each other’s embraces, both terrified of the future, only wanting to cherish this moment of intimacy. 

Maybe the last moment that would ever be given to them.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duel.

Evelyn woke up in the morning alone. At first, she thought that maybe it all was a dream but she rejected the thought quickly. Cullen’s side of the bed was cold so he must have gone out quite early. She wasn’t surprised, he always was an early bird. And now, he probably went to prepare himself for the fight… 

The fight! 

Evelyn jumped out of the bed and quickly got herself ready to look for her lover. She intended to beg him not to fight this monster of a man as she was sure the Count would use some tricks to defeat Cullen. She ran out of her chamber and bumped straight into Dorian. 

“I see you’ve made quite the recovery through the night” he said, watching her carefully “Feeling better, I understand?” 

“Have you seen Cullen?” she asked as if she didn’t listen to him. Dorian looked at her with disapproval. 

“Why, it’s so nice to see you, Dorian” he mimicked her voice “You look ravishing as always. How have you been doing?” 

“I’m sorry…” she apologized “I didn’t mean to…” 

“I know, I know” Dorian interrupted her. “Your dearest Commander is now heading towards the yard to face this pitiful count…” 

“What?!” she exclaimed frightened. “Now? Already?” 

“Well, it is practically noon, I was just coming to your chamber to see if you’re all right…” Dorian explained. 

She faltered hearing the unexpected news and Dorian quickly grabbed her arm. 

“I guess you haven’t gotten as well as it would appear…” he worried. 

“No, it’s all right” she reassured him, grateful for letting her lean on his arm a bit. “I have to…” 

“Go to bed?” Dorian finished the sentence for her, hoping she would consent to the idea; however, he knew from the moment he saw her running out of her chamber that she would not go back there. 

“No, I have to go to Cullen” she said and Dorian sighed as it was exactly the answer he’d expected. 

“No point in trying to convince you otherwise” he said and led her to the entrance. “Although I’m afraid you’ll not be able to speak to him before the fight. It’s already starting” Dorian continued as he noticed a small crowd gathered in the middle of the yard. News spread incredibly quickly in Skyhold. 

“No, he can’t fight him, Dorian, you know this man will cheat, he will, I know it” she started mumbling quickly and Dorian grabbed her arm strongly. 

“Evelyn, do not worry. The Commander’s doing it and you perfectly know that he has to. It’s the only way” he explained patiently. 

“But…” Evelyn started but Dorian interrupted her. 

“Let’s make a deal. We will stand close to see everything. If any of us notices the Count wants to play dirty, we’ll make sure that Cullen gains advantage over him, all right? I will help him with my magic if I see his opponent cheating. Does that satisfy you?” 

Evelyn looked at him gratefully and nodded. She couldn’t say anything as she felt nerves taking over her. She was terrified. Everything depended on this fight’s results and she just couldn’t force herself to think what might be the consequences of both Cullen winning and losing. 

If he loses, the Inquisition is lost, too. 

If he wins, they will have to deal with the problems they created in their relationship. 

Evelyn and Dorian finally reached the crowd and people made way for them. She looked around the crowd, searching for friendly faces. She noticed Leliana at one side of the yard, Varric at the other, Cassandra in yet another place… And she understood. They were all placed in different areas to be able to act quickly if there was a need. She felt extremely grateful for their precautions.

When she finally was able to see Cullen, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. 

He stood there, proud and strong warrior who she knew had a warm and kind heart. He was wearing his armor and patiently awaiting his rival. Their looks crossed and her heart skipped a beat. Her look was worried sick while he smiled at her, calm and steady. Evelyn wanted to run to him, to embrace him, tell him that she loved him no matter what, beg him to abandon the idea of dueling for her sake… But she couldn’t. 

“Evelyn!” she suddenly heard the dreaded voice right next to her ear. It was her mother. “You can’t be serious, girl! What is this farce?!” Her mother’s face was furious and it reminded her of the times when she was a little girl, terrified of her mother’s fury and unimaginable punishments. Evelyn trembled but at the same time she felt Dorian’s reassuring grip on her arm. 

“Mother…” Evelyn started but the woman didn’t let her say anything more. 

“Well, do something about it! This is absurdity, this ridiculous Commander of yours can’t be serious!” she yelled and people around them started staring. “You are betrothed to Count du Ravignon, you are to be his wife, is that clear?” 

“Mother, I…” Evelyn wanted to say something but it was pointless. Her mother never listened to her, never bothered to care what her daughter thought. 

“Such a scandal, you never knew how to act properly, girl. I would expect nothing more from you than this embarrassment you bring upon you! This man, this Commander is nothing more than an utter disgrace for you!” 

Evelyn felt her blood boil with rage and she was surprised she was able to feel it again. Numbness disappeared completely and she was relieved to realize it. She opened her mouth, ready to snap at her mother but she didn’t manage. 

“Well, well, Commander” she heard the voice coming from the crowd and she immediately knew whose the voice was. She still couldn’t help but fear the man. “You’ve decided to show up, I thought you would run like a coward.” 

Cullen didn’t say anything but Evelyn could see his teeth clench as he eyed the Count with fury in his eyes. 

“As it is I who is the challenged party in this duel, it would be my pleasure to choose a weapon. Nevertheless, I couldn’t decide which weapon I should choose, so I would be just glad to let you pick it from my humble collection…” As he finished the sentence, servants appeared behind the Count, carrying large chests, probably filled with weapons. 

Evelyn held her breath. Was that a trap? 

_No, don’t touch the weapons, they might be poisoned, no!_ She thought but was unable to move. She felt Dorian stiffened by her side, ready to cast any spell if needed. 

Cullen approached the chests and picked one-handed swords. Evelyn let a deep sigh when nothing happened. It must have just been the Count’s desire to show off. 

“Excellent choice, Commander, indeed” said the Count, reaching for the second weapon. “Shall we begin?” he asked and didn’t wait a second for Cullen’s response. He just attacked him as quickly as possible. 

But Cullen was quicker, he dodged his opponent’s attack by simply swirling around. The Count’s face expressed deep shock. He didn’t expect the Commander to be a fast man, he expected him to rely on his strength entirely and it was the weakness he intended to use. 

“You’re skilled, Commander” the Count grinded out and when Cullen didn’t answer, he continued “I see why _my_ dear Inquisitor might be fooled by you. But do not worry, I will take care of her after our little duel” 

Evelyn didn’t want to believe her ears. She knew Cullen was short-tempered when it came to her safety, the words were enough to set him on fire. 

_He shouldn’t lose his focus, not now…_

“No…” she whispered as she grabbed hold of Dorian’s arms. 

“It’ll be fine” he reassured her, keeping his eyes focused on the field. 

Cullen attacked the Count with his whole power and fury. He swung the sword but the Count evaded it by bending down, which allowed him to strike from below. Cullen was prepared for such a move and blocked it quickly with his weapon. 

The duel seemed to be never ending. Evelyn held her breath every couple of minutes but then Cullen always managed to escape any dangerous situations. None of her friends seemed to have noticed any signs of cheating from the Count’s part and neither did Evelyn. She safely assumed that perhaps the Count had enough honor to play fair. 

It was a mistake. 

The moment she thought about it, the Count reached to his belt, pulled a small ball which appeared to be filled with some powder and threw it straight to Cullen’s face. Cullen tried to escape it and bent down. 

But Dorian was faster, sending an ice spell in the ball’s direction and freezing it. 

There was a loud commotion in the crowd as people started whispering in shock. 

Evelyn shrieked loudly with terror. 

“Behave yourself, girl!” her mother snapped at her “You do nothing but embarrass us!” 

“I managed this time” said Dorian with worry in his voice “but I don’t know if I can do it next time…” 

As it appeared a moment later, Dorian shouldn’t have been worried. There was no next time. 

Cullen roared loudly, fury taking over him and threw himself on the Count. He bashed him with his whole body and the man fell down on his back, letting the sword out of his hand and looking at the Commander fearfully. Cullen pointed the sword to the Count’s neck and looked as if he wanted just to slit the man’s throat straight away. 

“I yield, I yield!” the Count screamed, raising his hands up. 

Cullen breathed deeply and slowly turned away from the Count looking for Evelyn in the crowd. And he didn’t have to look for long. She was already running to him with tears in her eyes. 

Tears of joy. 

He won. 

She jumped into his arms and he pulled her up in a strong embrace. 

“You did it” she whispered to his ear. 

“I love you” he whispered back. 

“Evelyn!” they heard her mother’s voice breaking through to them. The woman stepped out of the crowd furious as ever. “What is the meaning of this?! Explain yourself, foolish girl!” 

Evelyn turned around to face her mother. Her mother who was a living representation of her previous life that she hated so much. And Evelyn was no longer afraid as she felt Cullen’s presence. 

“The meaning” she started as loudly as she could, aware of the fact that all the people that gathered there, were watching them carefully “is that you should leave immediately. All three of you. I don’t ever want to see you again, you messed up my life enough. You no longer have any influence on me, mother” she continued, standing strong and firm while her mother was looking at her in shock and disbelief “From now on, you shall respectfully call me Inquisitor as this is my title.” 

Evelyn approached her mother and looked straight into her eyes. Actually, she couldn’t remember if she’s ever done that before. 

“You had a chance to make things right, mother and you lost it. Now, get out of Skyhold, immediately” she said quietly “Your feet will never cross my home’s gates, is that clear?” 

She turned around at once, not wanting to see their parents reaction. She now wanted to make sure the man who was to ruin her life also understood the message. 

And her heart froze when she noticed him, standing few meters behind Cullen and pointing an arrow with a small bow at the Commander’s back. 

Suddenly, everything was like in a slow motion. She started running towards Cullen, screaming his name with panic but she wasn’t quick enough. Cullen didn’t understand what was going on and looked at her disoriented. There were people screaming and shouting all over them but Evelyn only saw her lover. 

She knew she wasn’t going to reach him on time. 

She just wasn’t quick enough.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen tries to fix the mess he's created.

He missed. The Count let the arrow out but it didn’t hit Cullen, it missed him slightly and landed in the ground. 

Cullen stood in front of the tavern and stared at the sky. Loud sounds of joy and celebration reached him from inside and he smiled weakly. 

After Evelyn ordered the Count to be locked in cell and dealt with later, everybody just let a deep sigh of relieve. Varric suggested they should all get a drink to calm their nerves, Dorian nodded with approval and said something about proper celebration and Josephine nearly jumped while mumbling to herself about all the preparations she should make for a party. Fortunately, nobody was in a mood for holding a ball as Josephine suggested and they convinced her to simply join them in the tavern. They drank, laughed, joked… everything seemed normal with them. Cullen suddenly realized he felt at home with them and once again couldn’t believe he was willing to abandon it all. Couldn’t believe he was willing to abandon Evelyn.

Cullen sighed. Evelyn. He remembered her horrified shriek when she noticed he was in danger, remembered how she ran to him, her fury when she ordered the soldiers to take the noble man away. And he remembered how she restrained herself from touching him from that moment. She didn’t even look at him once. It hurt him but he knew he deserved it. He knew there was barely any chance for them to be together now, saw her hurt looks, her distance… And although it felt like a torture to look at her and be unable to embrace her, he was just happy she lived. 

“There you are, Curly!” Varric’s voice reached him from behind. “Not planning to disappear again, are you?” he asked suspiciously. 

“Maker, no” Cullen answered quickly “I guess I just needed some air, that’s all.” 

“You did well” the dwarf added and Cullen looked at him surprised “You saved her. Not only from the poison, but also from her damned noble parents and fiancé” 

Cullen didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet. “You still have a lot to fix but it’ll be all right, you’ll see. But you know what? I’m gonna tell you a secret. The key to fixing the mess you’ve made is to actually talk to her, not avoid her for the whole day.” 

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He wanted to talk to Evelyn, he was just uncertain how to tell her everything. 

“May I interrupt?” her soft voice came from the door and Cullen looked at her, unable to keep his breath calm. 

“He’s all yours” Varric just said and went into the tavern. 

Evelyn approached Cullen and finally looked into his eyes. He was terrified to see how sad she was and it made him forget all the words that ever existed in his mind. 

“Would you…” Evelyn started and cleared her throat as she looked away “Would you like to walk with me?” she asked. 

“Of course” he answered and followed her. 

They didn’t think where they were going and before they noticed, they were standing in front of his office. Neither of them spoke and Cullen felt his hands shaking with nerves. 

“Do you want to… I mean… if you…” he started and cursed himself for his clumsiness with words. 

“It’s a bit cold” she said silently “Let’s go inside.” 

He opened the door for her and they went into his office. All his belonging were back there so it didn’t feel empty anymore. 

“Evelyn, I…” he started but didn’t know what to say. That he was sorry? It just wasn’t enough. He would regret it for the rest of his life, ‘sorry’ wasn’t really a word suitable in this situation. 

“Why?” She asked firmly “Why did you leave me?” 

Cullen just looked at her unable to give her an answer. He felt foolish for leaving her because of a stupid letter. There were so many things he should have done instead of running away… 

“If we are to be together” she continued and Cullen felt a glimmer of hope. Did her words mean that she could still give him a chance? “I need to know why you decided to leave me. Why did you tell me you no longer loved me?” 

“I… honestly, don’t know how to explain it…” he just said clumsily. He had so many words in his mind, so many apologies but none of them seemed good enough for the woman he loved so dearly. 

“No” she said harshly “Enough. No more secrets, no more avoiding, we’re going to have this talk whether you like it or not.”   
He noticed how her arms trembled, how she was focused on keeping her voice steady and calm. He found it extremely difficult to keep his nerves on a leash. 

“Evelyn, I want to explain it but… it’s just…” he started again and once again couldn’t find proper words. 

Evelyn took a deep breath, turned around and opened the door. 

“If you decide to be honest with me, you’ll know where to find me” she said sharply and slammed the door.

Cullen fell down on his chair and buried his face in his hands wondering how he managed to screw this up again. 

*** 

Evelyn spent whole day trying to keep herself busy. It helped to keep the thoughts of Cullen away. It was so painful to know that he was right there, that it was so easy just to run to him and kiss him… She just couldn’t let it go. He hurt her in a way she never thought possible but maybe she should have been more patient with him? He always had problems with speaking about his feelings, she should have helped him, maybe then she would have understood… 

“Busy as ever, are you?” She heard Dorian’s voice and nearly jumped out of surprise. 

“Well, yes, actually” she said, smiling at him. “Last days have been… quite challenging so I have a lot of work to do” 

“Surely, you can allow yourself a short break to have a stroll with your favorite and most handsome mage?” Dorian smirked and offered his arm. Evelyn hesitated and looked at the pile of reports waiting on her desk. “Oh, come on, don’t make me beg you” Dorian said quickly, grabbed her arm and led her to the door. She laughed and followed him. 

“So… how are you?” Dorian asked after they went outside and started walking around Skyhold. 

“I’m good” Evelyn answered but she knew Dorian wasn’t the one to believe that. He just looked at her and she knew there was no escaping from this talk. “Fine. Not perfect.” 

“Have you already spoken to your dashing Commander about his little trip?” 

“Yes” she said but then added “No. Not really… he wasn’t really talkative, so to say.” 

“He’s always been like this, as far as I recall” Dorian remarked “Took him long enough to admit his feelings for you”

“Well, technically, he wasn’t the first one to say it, I had to help him” she laughed at the memory of Cullen’s embarrassment that was evident each time he wanted to tell her he loved her. And suddenly she went silent, thinking about the fact that it was so difficult for her Commander to admit his feelings towards her, while it seemed easy enough to tell her he didn’t love her. 

“Evelyn, you know, as much as I find his stammering adorable, and as much as I am furious with him right now, you cannot deny that he has been trying to make it all right. He came back and dueled for you, it has to count for something.” 

“I know, Dorian, I know… but it’s just so difficult to forget” she said with a heavy sigh “It’s so difficult to stop wondering about his reasons, he still couldn’t tell me why he left me in the first place and it’s killing me” she felt somewhat relieved to be able to tell it to someone out loud after carrying the burden of her thoughts for some time. 

“What you two need is to clear the air with a real, honest talk. That’s what people do when they love each other, did you know that? They _talk_ ” he added ironically. 

“Very funny” she said smirking. 

“Oh, it’s not funny at all, it’s a very serious business actually” he stated and suddenly stopped. “And I believe we’ve just reached our destination.” 

“Our destination?” she repeated surprised, looking at her friend with confusion. 

“My, my, is that the Commander standing right over there, looking as if he was waiting for someone?” Dorian exclaimed with exaggeration in his voice and Evelyn understood. 

“It was a trap from the very beginning, wasn’t it?” she simply asked. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, my dear” Dorian said with a wide smile. “But it just so happens that I have to go to the tavern right now. Sera’s just returned from her little business trip, something that had to do with some Jennies, and she’s just so furious she missed everything that was happening in Skyhold that she requires to tell her everything with details. I have to go and help Bull or she’s never going to leave him!” 

“Dorian…” Evelyn started with warning in her voice but he interrupted her immediately. 

“Go, talk to him!” he just said, turned around and walked away. 

Evelyn felt her heart pounding in her chest and unsure of what she might say, she approached Cullen. He noticed her quickly and also moved into her direction. They met halfway and both started talking at the same time. 

“Cullen, I…” 

“Evelyn, please…” 

They smiled at each other when both of them went silent. Cullen took a deep breath and started speaking again. 

“Evelyn, I want to tell you something and I really need you to just listen to me without saying anything, can you do that for me? Please” he asked her and she heard his voice trembling with emotions. She nodded and awaited his explanation. 

“First of all, I want you to know that I’ve never stopped loving you. You are the most wonderful thing that ever happened in my life. You are the light in my life and I was a fool to jeopardize our future. Each and every day I marvel at the fact that you chose me, marvel at my luck to have you by my side.” 

Evelyn was shocked. Cullen never spoke to her in this way, he’s never been so confident with his words. She thought that he didn’t need to ask her not to interrupt him, she was speechless anyway. 

“I know I messed up and I know you probably don’t want to talk to me or see me. But I need to tell you what happened” he held her hands and squeezed them lightly as if to give himself courage to continue speaking. “Evelyn, after you defeated Corypheus I promised myself I would do anything to make you happy. I wanted to propose” his voice cracked a bit at that moment and Evelyn’s eyes widened. The news were obviously not what she expected. 

“I thought you’d be happy to call me your husband. I would certainly be exhilarated to be able to call you my wife. However, I thought that the right thing to do was to ask your parents for permission first. And I never suspected it could be the biggest mistake in my life. They refused me and decided to come here. Evelyn, I am the one responsible for their arrival. I am the one that brought the Count here and I shall never stop regretting it. It was a mistake and I beg your forgiveness.” 

Evelyn looked at him in disbelief. She actually felt rather relieved to finally know the truth. Of course, she didn’t blame Cullen for writing to her parents. She knew it all was more of her fault than his because she’s never really told him about her family. It was painful for her to think about her childhood, she only told Cassandra once that she hated them but never really went into details. If only she told him… 

“When your parents refused me I felt... well, I felt hurt” he admitted, blushing a bit. “They wrote that I would only be a burden for you and I believed them. And you can’t even imagine how deeply I regret it now. I ran like a coward. Instead of talking to you about it, I decided to hide, I thought you’d be better off without me. If I stayed, I would have been able to protect you from this monster. Evelyn, I am so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. When I heard about what he’s done to you… I wanted to make him suffer “ his teeth clenched when he said that “And knowing you wanted… to poison yourself” he continued, looking straight into her eyes, worry pouring out of his face “When I first heard it from Cole when we were at Skyhold’s gates… I wasn’t sure I would be able to live if you… Evelyn, the thought of losing you nearly made my heart stop beating” 

Evelyn looked down. She knew the topic of the poison would be brought up but it was still painful. She was so close to drinking it, if he hadn’t broken the door, if he hadn’t run to her… He saved her. 

“I know that what I’ve done is not something you can forgive easily and I know you might not want to be with me anymore. I can fully understand that. I will spend my whole life apologizing you and making it up to you if you allow me. But Evelyn, I want to make sure you know how much I love you, how much I cherish your presence. So I decided to take yet another risk” 

Evelyn’s heart skipped a beat. _Maker, what has he come up with now?_ She thought but kept silent as she promised.

She couldn’t hide her emotions any further when he went down on his knees and pulled out a small box out of his pocket. 

“This time, I want to do it properly by asking the person I should have asked in the first place” he said and opened the box in which there was a ring. The most beautiful ring Evelyn has ever seen. 

“Evelyn, you are the love of my life, you are my dream, my hope, my everything. Will you do me the honor and marry me?” 

Evelyn was speechless. It definitely was not what she expected. She tried very quickly to wrap her head around all the words he said but all she could think of was how much she loved him. 

“Yes” she said quietly with a trembling voice. 

And he looked at her, unable to believe what he heard. 

She said yes.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, so basically it's the end. I have to admit, I didn't plan on happy ending and I really wanted to kill either her or him but somehow they ended up alive :D   
> Thank you all for reading, commenting and for kudos! :)

They spent whole day and night together, talking about the things they were too ashamed to talk about before. There were no more secrets between them as they shared each thought, each emotion. Finally, they made love and it was so passionate that they felt as if it was their first time once again. Happiness and relieve filled their chests as they laid in each other’s embraces, unable to fully believe that it all worked out well. 

“Cullen, you have to tell me one more thing though” Evelyn suddenly said as they were getting ready to fall asleep. 

“Anything, my love” he murmured to her ear softly. 

“Did Varric help you prepare the speech you gave me?” she asked with a wide smile on her face and Cullen felt his cheeks burn. 

“No…” he answered but when she gave him a surprised look he added “Dorian did…” 

“I knew it!” she exclaimed with satisfaction and started laughing. 

*** 

Sera drank another beer and told Bull and Dorian to tell her the story one more time as she was beginning to feel tipsy. 

Dorian rolled his eyes and sighed “You’ve heard it twice already, isn’t it enough?” 

“Yeah, well, I still don’t get it” she answered “Where did that bow come from, huh?” 

“The bastard brought a chest full of his weapons!” Dorian exclaimed, feeling irritated with Sera’s constant questioning. 

“Right, right…” she said and took another sip of her drink “So… Inky and Cully-Wully? I mean… they’ll be fine, yeah? I mean, they have to be” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that” Dorian answered with a sly smile. 

***

After having an honest conversation with her lover, Evelyn felt much stronger. She finally was able to look at the Count without trembling with fear when she judged him. Everybody advised her to sentence him to death and they had even expressed their ideas about his execution. 

But Evelyn wasn’t cruel. She banished him and stripped him from all his lands and titles. It was enough. 

She never contacted her parents again. And it was better for her this way. 

*** 

Evelyn and Cullen’s wedding was magnificent. Josephine gave her best to ensure it was an unforgettable party. Everybody was talking about it long after it was over. 

However, Evelyn and Cullen just sighed with relieve when they were finally able to be alone. 

“Hello, Lady Rutherford” Cullen said, smiling at her and holding her waist. 

“Hello, dear husband” she answered and gave him a delicate kiss, which he immediately turned into a deep and passionate one. He cupped her face and looked straight into her eyes. 

“I will never stop loving you” he whispered. 

“Neither will I.”


End file.
